Funny Excuses for Missing Work

Below are some some of the most creative, outrageous, and yet funny excuses that we've managed to collect from the web. Some of them are classic excuses, others are clever, and all of them in general are questionable.

And the most absurd part of all? Each of these excuses has been used in real life!

So, go ahead, pick your favorite and try it out on your boss. But have in mind that you might be fired afterwards!

We all “need” or want to skip work at some point. Most of the times we don't have any reasonable explanation why we “need” or want to do that, so we’re going to need to make up a good excuse (lie).

1. I had a dream last night that I would be hit by a bus this morning. – With this excuse you're running the risk of having a dream of you being given the sack. And this dream is really likely to come true.

2. I was mugged and the thief took my car keys and driver’s license.

3. Last night I had a party and I woke up with a strange man in my bed and he won’t leave.

4. My cat got ran over and I need to take it to the vet.

5. I don't want to lose the parking space in front of my house.

6. I won’t be in today… I'm calling in dead.

7. The city is paving my street and I can’t get out of my neighborhood.

8. I tried to dye my hair blonde, but it came out blue.

9. I'm severely constipated and just took a laxative. Now I'm walking time bomb.

10. Sorry, but I can't find my shoes!

11. I'm still drunk from last night I can't drive to work.

12. My shrink put me on a new depressant yesterday and I’m feeling weird.

13. You can’t handle the truth.

14. I locked my keys in my car.

15. My dog died.

16. I was up all weekend with this new girl I met and I didn’t get any sleep…if you know what I mean.

17. The hot water tap in my shower broke.

18. My chain came off my bicycle.

19. My cat hid my car keys because she gets lonesome when I’m gone.

20. I slipped in the shower and injured my knee. I can’t walk on it at all.

21. I was up all night because the police were investigating the death of someone discovered behind her house.

22. The brakes went out on my car.

23. My spiritual guide said there will be a fire at my work today so I’m staying home.

24. My wife’s breasts are sore after her breast enlargement so I need to stay home and massage her tits.

25. Someone dumped a truck-load of sand in front of my driveway and I can’t get out.

26. I am sick with the Lack. Lack of ambition.

27. My car has a flat tire.

28. The babysitter didn’t show up today so I have to watch my kids.

29. My cat is lonely and stressed out and if I don’t spend quality time with him, he will keep peeing on the furniture.

30. I’ve earned a day off.


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